I received horrible news yesterday. I found out org psych at UNSW now required an interview. I guess it wouldn't be anything that you would consider serious, but to me, this was a big part of my future plans. I was OK with not attending Macquarie interviews because I still at least had UNSW. But when it was announced that the system was changed, my world actually fell apart on the spot. The inital shock then became anger. They had known for so long, and yet only now did they decide to inform us of the change. I wouldn't have booked my flights if I had known I would have no postgrad psych options.
I was ruminating and venting to everyone who would listen. It just seems that with every step you take in psych, you're hit in the face with another restriction/obstacle. Sometimes I wish I had taken the Asian route and done a commerce degree. Sure I'd be conforming to the stereotype, but at least I'd have a job. But what's done is done. No point in counterfactual thinking. Let it be known that you should never drive angry/upset. You know how people say "I'm gonna go for a drive to clear my head and cool off"...yeah that doesn't work. If you're that angry, you will be ruminating, and your attention to your surroundings will be markedly decreased. Take it from me. I almost had three accidents yesterday on the way to and from work.
Coming home, I had a nice long vent to my mum. She suggested that I just fly out as planned but return in time for the interview. But I don't know how enjoyable my "holiday" would be if I knew I had to return for an interview. So who knows what's gonna happen. Do I still go or not? What's more important? A Eurotrip or a chance to do org psych? It's not even guaranteed which is what is so annoying. I can't plan my life around a maybe. Sometimes I wonder whether this is really worth it? How do I even know that being an org psych will make me happy in the future? It's all just wishful thinking at this point. Only time will tell.
A good night's sleep has helped clear my head immensely. The anger has subsided and is now replaced with my usual calm self. The thoughts of "what if" and "if only" are gone. Now it's more a matter of what can I do now. What is in my control? We'll see how this all pans out.
And yes, I do realise that this post is very angsty. But I'm an angsty person. And I don't cope well (not at first).
HBL signing out.
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